The hero got the compass!
Author： Romy
For me, running was like the intense training a protagonist undergoes in a boy’s adventure manga.
The hero pushes beyond their limits and unlocks incredible strength. I wanted to be just like that.
From a young age, I was passionate about volleyball. Eventually, I began pushing myself to the limit as I aimed to become a professional.
If I could overcome this, I was certain I would grow. I never doubted it.
However, fatigue and injuries prevented me from moving as I wanted. I couldn’t keep up with those around me. Losing confidence, I stopped in my tracks. At that moment, I was overwhelmed by a crushing sense of despair, as if I had been thrown into the depths of darkness.
I wanted to keep pushing myself, but I couldn’t move anymore. All that remained for me was despair. I had nothing left to burn. Even as I became like burnt-out ashes, I still couldn’t achieve my ideal.
Eventually, I stopped going to school. My mother told me, 'Don’t push yourself too hard.' Those words only deepened my self-hatred. I believed that if I wanted to move forward, I had no choice but to keep trying. Would she deny even that effort?
I no longer knew what was right. But if I could just achieve my ideal, I may finally be able to accept myself. I didn’t care if I self-destructed in the process.
Before I knew it, I had once again started to neglect myself.
When I became a single parent, I devoted everything to work, wearing myself down.
I started a side job besides my main one, but no matter how hard I worked, I was spinning my wheels, never getting ahead.
I no longer knew what I was working so hard for.
As I watched my energy fade away in a daze, I came across the self-care program offered by Single Mothers' Sisterhood.
I finally faced my exhausted self. In this state, there was no way I could keep pushing forward.
I had reached my limit, I admitted.”After everything I’ve done, am I still unable to reach my ideal?" I was asking myself.
It was then that I started running.
'Even five minutes is fine. Just run at a pace where you can talk.'Following that advice, I became aware of my own pace for the first time.
I increased my speed. I struggled to catch my breath, and it became painful.
I questioned myself—could I make it to the end?—then I slowed down.
Then, my breathing settled, and a sense of fulfillment swept over me.
Before long, I felt my body getting ready. Once that happened, my body kept up even when I increased my pace.
My mind and body worked in harmony, and I was able to unleash my strength.
'So this is my pace!' It felt like a groundbreaking discovery.
Responding to the ever-changing state of my mind and body, moment by moment.
It was like running alongside myself—an act of respecting who I am as I ran.
With each run, a sense of trust in myself began to build up.
It was the balance between 'being kind to myself' and 'pushing myself.'
I was surprised that something I had never been able to do before came so naturally to me.
Running was fun. Pushing off the ground and flying through the air,I felt free.
It was the same feeling as when I was completely absorbed in something.
My curiosity shot out like a fiery arrow, struck its mark, and ignited in an instant.
In that state, I was unstoppable.
Ah, did I just want to push myself as hard as possible?
And yet, at the same time, I felt a fear of striving too hard.
My mother’s voice came back to me: 'Don’t push yourself too hard.'
No, that’s not it. Don’t say something so dull.
I want to run without holding back. Forget about pacing.
Run, fall, get back up, covered in mud, and run again. That’s how I’ve kept moving forward. Even when I hit rock bottom, I tried every possible option to turn the situation around.
I didn’t care about the results. I could hold my head high simply because I was giving it my all. The desire to push myself was pure energy—it was always on my side.
Now, I can embrace that burning passion, one that consumes even my very being, because I know I can handle it. I’ve learned that performance and passion both rest on the foundation of my condition.
Even if I push too hard, I know how to adjust according to my mind and body.
By running, I’ve reflected on myself and regained my trust in who I am.
Let’s go! The hero got the compass!
Call for Donations
Thank you for reading this essay to the end. This essay was written by a single mother ●● for Mother's Day2024. The non-profit organization The nonprofit organization Single Mothers Sisterhood supports the mental and physical health and empowerment of single mothers. Your generous donations will be carefully used to fund the operation of 'Self-Care Workshops for Single Mothers'. Donations are accepted on our donation page here.
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